I HATE IT!!!!!!!

The first test have already passed. Unfortunately, my results are not ideal. This is suppose to be the easiest semester throughout the foundation year, but instead I did not do well.

I have absolutely no idea why I sucks in this test. Maybe it's because I thought it was going to be easy, which is why I did not take it too seriously. Obviously, my pride made me fall and hurt me badly.

Every one of my friends did superbly well except me. I felt like a piece of worthless shit. Gosh, I just hate myself so much. Can somebody just save me out of this stupid and crazy world.

I feel like I am going to explode any second from now. The stress is too much. The work load is too much. Even computer can overload or overheat, moreover a human? Why did God give us brain and feelings at the same time if he s only going to torture us to dead?

So, human is meant to be born, use all the neurons in your brain, feel disappointed, sad and fear, and then die? Is it so? And if we do good in our life, we are suppose to go to heaven and if we do bad, we are suppose to go to hell?

If so, I am so going to hell after I am dead. Because I felt like I've done so much bad things in my life. I lied, I cheat, and I disappointed a lot of people.

Even though so, I should be given a last wish after the torture I went through in my life, right? I wish that I could see all the people I loved in my life before I go to hell. Just one look into their faces and I am sure I can survived through anything in hell.

Well, this is life. My stupid, worthless life where I will have to survive for the next 50 years. I guess that is all I want to blabbed about for now. Hopefully I will have time to blog to express my unbalance emotion.

Struggling

This is the last semester of my foundation year in UTAR already. Time seems to fly for this last semester. It is already week 5, and we are having our first test. The memories when I first came here is still deeply carve in my mind.

It is unbelievable that I have made so many new friends since semester 1. Some of them are incredibly intelligent, and also there are those with great sense of humour. Unfortunately after this semester, we are all going seperate ways in our degree course.

I do sincerely hope that those who are still staying in Kampar for their degree course can keep in touch and also those in Setapak will keep in touch with us also. The most important thing to do now in this semester is to make sure my CGPA can be remained above 2.5.

I am a little stupid, so I dare not have any higher thoughts but to get merit in results. I am a little lazy too, because me and those books are like rivals since the books are created in this world.

Thus, what I can do now is use that little brain of mine, trying to memorize what ever I can in those THICK books with over one thousand pages. I do not want to waste my mum's money, and I want to get the PTPTN loan to help lighten my mother's burden.

So, BA(Hons) Biomedical Science, here I come. Prepare yourself for the stupidest and laziest student in the course ever. Lecturers teaching this subject, have your cardiovascular medicine and some Paracetamol with you all the time. You never know when I will strike to give you a stroke or heart attack.

10 JANUARY 2010

The semester results were out. My results was worse than my last semester. Luckily, I was the only one in house, so I can cry my heart out.

I thought I would be satisfied with my results if I passed all subjects, but I do not. I felt devastated because my CGPA drop. I hate my life and I hate my results. Furthermore, I hate ME.

No matter how much better my coursework marks is compared to last semester, it's still not enough. This means that I really sucks at my final exam. I tried, but apparently it's not enough.

So, I am going to cry my heart and lungs out.. Get over this and move on.

3 months

Hey guys, I'm back.. It's exactly 3 months since the last time I blog.. and hell yeah, I have a lot to complaint just like my last blog...

My semester 2 of foundation ended a week ago (finally). It is really getting to my nerves, especially since the final exam. I was forced to go to hell, then almost to heaven, and then drop back to hell again. It is a really exciting roller coaster ride, except I really do not want to be on it.

Well, on the first day of my test, I was like DAMN, this paper is difficult. Luckily I did not bad in the tests, and I think I can pass the Mathematics exam (barely though). Then, on the same day, my chemistry was a wee bit better. It's really because I remember those points that needed to be elaborate and they gave quite high marks for those question. Though I do not really understand and answer the other questions correctly, I do hope I pass (PLEASE, GOD, PLEASE).

On the second day, the test subject was ECS. I really do not have much expectation in this subject, but surprisingly, I did not bad. I did study for this subject (not much), and I happened to answered the questions accurately.(at least that is what I think)

The third day was Biology subject. I was so the heck nervous that day, because I got the lowest coursework score for this subject. Still, I can answer the questions well. I know the answers to the questions and I know I did my best.

The last day of the exam, was the most terrible day of my whole exam week. I was so devastated that day. I cried and I feel like myself going through hell. It is, once again the mechanics that made me so sad. I thought I studied enough, but I did not. I thought I can handle the stress and emotion, but I can not.

Hell, I hate university life. Hell, I hate physics. And Hell, I hate myself.