I HATE IT!!!!!!!

The first test have already passed. Unfortunately, my results are not ideal. This is suppose to be the easiest semester throughout the foundation year, but instead I did not do well.

I have absolutely no idea why I sucks in this test. Maybe it's because I thought it was going to be easy, which is why I did not take it too seriously. Obviously, my pride made me fall and hurt me badly.

Every one of my friends did superbly well except me. I felt like a piece of worthless shit. Gosh, I just hate myself so much. Can somebody just save me out of this stupid and crazy world.

I feel like I am going to explode any second from now. The stress is too much. The work load is too much. Even computer can overload or overheat, moreover a human? Why did God give us brain and feelings at the same time if he s only going to torture us to dead?

So, human is meant to be born, use all the neurons in your brain, feel disappointed, sad and fear, and then die? Is it so? And if we do good in our life, we are suppose to go to heaven and if we do bad, we are suppose to go to hell?

If so, I am so going to hell after I am dead. Because I felt like I've done so much bad things in my life. I lied, I cheat, and I disappointed a lot of people.

Even though so, I should be given a last wish after the torture I went through in my life, right? I wish that I could see all the people I loved in my life before I go to hell. Just one look into their faces and I am sure I can survived through anything in hell.

Well, this is life. My stupid, worthless life where I will have to survive for the next 50 years. I guess that is all I want to blabbed about for now. Hopefully I will have time to blog to express my unbalance emotion.

Struggling

This is the last semester of my foundation year in UTAR already. Time seems to fly for this last semester. It is already week 5, and we are having our first test. The memories when I first came here is still deeply carve in my mind.

It is unbelievable that I have made so many new friends since semester 1. Some of them are incredibly intelligent, and also there are those with great sense of humour. Unfortunately after this semester, we are all going seperate ways in our degree course.

I do sincerely hope that those who are still staying in Kampar for their degree course can keep in touch and also those in Setapak will keep in touch with us also. The most important thing to do now in this semester is to make sure my CGPA can be remained above 2.5.

I am a little stupid, so I dare not have any higher thoughts but to get merit in results. I am a little lazy too, because me and those books are like rivals since the books are created in this world.

Thus, what I can do now is use that little brain of mine, trying to memorize what ever I can in those THICK books with over one thousand pages. I do not want to waste my mum's money, and I want to get the PTPTN loan to help lighten my mother's burden.

So, BA(Hons) Biomedical Science, here I come. Prepare yourself for the stupidest and laziest student in the course ever. Lecturers teaching this subject, have your cardiovascular medicine and some Paracetamol with you all the time. You never know when I will strike to give you a stroke or heart attack.

10 JANUARY 2010

The semester results were out. My results was worse than my last semester. Luckily, I was the only one in house, so I can cry my heart out.

I thought I would be satisfied with my results if I passed all subjects, but I do not. I felt devastated because my CGPA drop. I hate my life and I hate my results. Furthermore, I hate ME.

No matter how much better my coursework marks is compared to last semester, it's still not enough. This means that I really sucks at my final exam. I tried, but apparently it's not enough.

So, I am going to cry my heart and lungs out.. Get over this and move on.

3 months

Hey guys, I'm back.. It's exactly 3 months since the last time I blog.. and hell yeah, I have a lot to complaint just like my last blog...

My semester 2 of foundation ended a week ago (finally). It is really getting to my nerves, especially since the final exam. I was forced to go to hell, then almost to heaven, and then drop back to hell again. It is a really exciting roller coaster ride, except I really do not want to be on it.

Well, on the first day of my test, I was like DAMN, this paper is difficult. Luckily I did not bad in the tests, and I think I can pass the Mathematics exam (barely though). Then, on the same day, my chemistry was a wee bit better. It's really because I remember those points that needed to be elaborate and they gave quite high marks for those question. Though I do not really understand and answer the other questions correctly, I do hope I pass (PLEASE, GOD, PLEASE).

On the second day, the test subject was ECS. I really do not have much expectation in this subject, but surprisingly, I did not bad. I did study for this subject (not much), and I happened to answered the questions accurately.(at least that is what I think)

The third day was Biology subject. I was so the heck nervous that day, because I got the lowest coursework score for this subject. Still, I can answer the questions well. I know the answers to the questions and I know I did my best.

The last day of the exam, was the most terrible day of my whole exam week. I was so devastated that day. I cried and I feel like myself going through hell. It is, once again the mechanics that made me so sad. I thought I studied enough, but I did not. I thought I can handle the stress and emotion, but I can not.

Hell, I hate university life. Hell, I hate physics. And Hell, I hate myself.

I'm back!!

Wow, I did not realize that I have not blog for such a long time already. Since school started on May, I was flooded with all those lectures, tutorials and of course REPORTS. Luckily I came to school early to online today, or else I do not know how long will I abandon my blog.

Well, actually I have a test today, but I am too lazy to study, so I would rather to blog here. Today is my maths test, tomorrow is my chemistry test and the day after tomorrow is my mechanics test.

Just to think about all these tests that I have to study for, and it is all happening in exactly three days continuouslymakes my head feels like bursting. This is crazy, lunatic, bizzarre.. How could anyone finish their revision of all three subjects where the test is going to take place in three days consecutively.

Well, ok, maybe there are people that can do that, or maybe they are demi-gods. But, for god's sake, I'm just a normal human being, why torture me like this? Wouldn't it be easier if you just straight away ask me to bang my head in the wall and die?

Haiz, I do complain a lot, which I know it is not going to help my studies if I do not start studying and keep on complaining. But, I just can't help it.. I don't have much friends to talk about the anger and fear in me.

Blogging is the only way I could keep typing until my anger and fear is gone and I am satisfied. It is not like anyone will go search my blog, so why not just curse everybody to hell and damn that stupid Management of UTAR!

See, this is why I like blogging, I can just keep on typing until I feel that the anger in me is all gone, and now it is. So, ta ta..

SPM results and Plans ahead

My results are out, unfortunately, it was not as good as I expected it to be. But, also fortunately, it was not as bad as I predicted.

After a tons of consideration and confusion, I finally decided to go to UTAR. I am taking foundation in science for the moment. I still haven't decide on what course I'm taking for the degree course, but that I can figure it out later.

What I know now is quite a number of people I knew is taking the same course there too, which means I'm going to meet a lot of friends there. There is only one little problem, which is some of them is my friend's ex-s.

Hopefully they won't ask me anything, but I do hope we have the opportunity to cooperate in some projects and get to know each other. I also hope that I can get to know a lot of friends there.

The course really needs a lot of effort to finish it, according to one of my friend who started taking this course by January. Well, looks like there is no easy way for everything. This course is not providing any loans, and my results are not qualified to get any scholarships, which is why I have to work really hard, and get a really outstanding results to ensure that I can get scholarships or loans for my degree course.

I am going to be offline from the blog sometime, because apparently I'll have to pay full attention and focus on my studies. I will try to pull out sometime for the blogging, only if I can though.

COMING SOON...

It's been a long time I didn't write in this blog. Finally today I have the time to blog. I just found out that STPM results will be out next Thursday, which is 25th of February. This means that SPM RESULTS IS COMING SOON...

According to very reliable source of mine, SPM results will be out on 16th of March and it's my biggest nightmare. I kinda don't have that confidence and courage to face my results because honestly I don't really know how to answer the questions.

Well, of course I hope to get my CONVERSE or NIKE shoe but that will have to wait until the results are announced.

Fortunately there is one thing that I can enjoy which is the Chinese New Year. I went back to my grandmother's house, enjoy a lot of delicious food she made and have a happy time.

On the second day of Chinese New Year, we went and visited our relative's houses. At night, we went to the buffet dinner organized by one of my relative. We then went to Kek Lok Si as host to my cousin's friends.

Although we are the host, but then we seem more excited then them. Maybe it's because we haven't been there it quite a long time. We took a lot of pictures and have our wishes written and hanged on the wishing tree.

We visit around until 12.30am and then we got told to leave because they are closing. We then walk down through the stairs but it was locked when we are trying to get down. Without any other way, we decided to walk down the roads through the woods.

It's kinda like jungle trekking and we are completely exhausted. We reach home at about 1.15am. Our tiring walk made us go for a steamboat supper before we slept. I enjoyed every minute I spend there because I miss everyone of them.

I really loved my family a lot, each one of them means a lot in my life. The only thing I felt that is incomplete is I didn't spend enough time with them. I have never say so but my family seems to be everything in my life and saying goodbye with them each time actually made me sad.

PTG: Please let me have the courage to accept whatever results I get, to live with it and be proud of myself. Please let me love my family for as long as I can, and as much as I can. Please let them to live happy and full of joy everyday and that I will love them no matter what.